The Baby Adult

It is normal for one to lock their trauma in a box and never revisit it because the work that comes with that is hard. Not only is it hard but it’s emotionally, mentally and even sometimes physically draining and that’s why a lot of people avoid it.

Healing from things that you have gone through requires you to think critically and become self aware so you are catching your trauma based behaviors as they come to the surface. It’s easy though, to assume that because you aren’t thinking about it, it isn’t affecting you but that is so far from the truth. For example, have you ever felt depressed and had no idea why because your present life doesn’t have much for you to complain about? Or are you someone who never allows good things to be just that… good things, as a means to self-sabotage? Those could potentially be trauma-based responses. 

Recognizing these patterns is the first step to figuring out exactly what you need to heal from and where those behaviors developed. It may be overwhelming but please do not be discouraged little one, you are already doing the brave thing by simply noticing.

Our age increases, our bodies change, but if we never heal we are actually still that 5, 11, 13, year old that experienced that trauma. If you still react how you would have as a child, like throwing an adult tantrum, then you may not be emotionally mature and perhaps you need to heal.  

Healing brings maturity. Without it, time passes but we stay stuck on the inside. 

Introducing The Baby Adult

The Baby Adult is the version of yourself that learned to be grown before you ever felt safe enough to be a child, creating a disconnect between how people perceive you and how you feel on the inside in an emotional sense. 

This introduces today’s concept; The Baby Adult. The idea of The Baby Adult came to me when I was self-reflecting on a reaction that I had with my significant other that seemed a bit over the top.

Instead of being hard on myself, I utilized this moment as an opportunity to reflect. I can’t remember the exact situation, (I blame my short-term memory) but I remember how I was crying and was just very distraught. I began to feel as though it was a child-like reaction and that led me into a deep personal reflection of myself. 

Within minutes after I finished crying I started going in depth about where I thought the reaction came from and how to change it.  Being able to break down your trauma like that in such a short amount of time comes with practice, patience, and perseverance.

The “roots” of The Baby Adult in me 

The roots of The Baby Adult in me started early. Being the “responsible” one for my siblings became a normality for me. Not because that’s who I wanted to be, but because that’s who I thought I had to be as a means to survive. 

I was taught at a young age that love and value came from over functioning and being of use to others. I wasn’t just helping my parents out, I felt like I had to hold the house together because no one else would. That version of me never really learned how to rest.

I was always the strong person, the house comedian who no one ever really saw down and when I was vulnerable, it seemed like a foreign concept to those around me.

I was the therapist before I even became a child. I lost my childhood by taking on a role that I was never expected to take. 

Now, if I find myself feeling as though I cannot fix someone else’s problems or if I feel like no one needs me, I’m lost. Deep down, helping was how I proved I mattered.

If I wasn’t needed then who was I?

This is exactly how The Baby Adult in me learned to survive, always needed, rarely seen. I had to learn that I am not God. Let him do the hard, heavy work because that is what he wants to do. 

Growing up isn’t a race—it’s a return to your whole self, not just the strong, functioning part, but the vulnerable and ugly parts as well.

Nurturing the little you

Once you begin to recognize and reflect, only then can you truly start to heal. You have to look profoundly into yourself and find the source of the problem.

If you don’t know the source, you cannot do the work to be there for the little you in need of your help.

We all have an inner child and that inner child actually comes to play when our minds are triggered, whether that be knowingly or unknowingly. 

Tips for healing the baby within: 

~  Prayer and fasting, turning to the higher power that you believe in and asking for strength and guidance

~ Try to figure out what your inner child needed during your personal traumatic experience and show up as that for yourself now

~ Forgive those that have done shitty things to you; the first step to forgiving is realizing what happened to you is not your fault and you cannot control the actions of others

~ Let it go. I know it sounds harder than it is but it is important to just let it go and eventually reach a point where it no longer affects you subconsciously or consciously

~ Therapy is always an option and having someone outside of your circle can be beneficial

~ Release shame and guilt for still feeling behind compared to others; During this journey you should focus on you though, because that is okay too

~ Reparent yourself (I will touch more on this topic in another blog post)

~ Give your adult self permission to rest, play, and feel

The power in response

Life is about choices. You can choose to let the past chase you for the rest of your life or you can choose to face the past head on and do the work. Doing the work allows you to finally enjoy your human experience and become emotionally equipped for the unexpected things that life may throw your way. 

You will be healing for the rest of your life. The simple fact is, that you can only control yourself. If someone came up to you and randomly punched you in the face, you wouldn’t be able to get into that person's brain and try to change their actions.

You can only choose how to react and whether you will allow their actions to leave a lasting impact. Each time you choose your response wisely, you take back a little more of your peace. 

Trauma runs so deep that it can become a part of your physicality if you don’t take action. Your healing starts with a surrender and you. 

With love always,

Nyasia Davis